FINAL DRAFT

1 files changed, 23 insertions, 28 deletions

diff --git a/main.typ b/main.typ
index 9194c6c..07e2aa4 100644
--- a/main.typ
+++ b/main.typ
@@ -149,7 +149,7 @@ First edition
 #eyes("closed")
 
 #p[
-  #[I found myself stretched out across a couch. Ths sun was shining bright that day. I had to cover my eyes to keep it out. I let out a yawn, and stretched out my arms and legs. One of my legs bumped into something. I looked ahead to see my beautiful Teresa, looking back at me.]
+  #[I found myself stretched out across a couch. The sun was shining bright that day. I had to cover my eyes to keep it out. I let out a yawn, and stretched out my legs. One of my legs bumped into something. I looked ahead to see my beautiful Teresa, looking back at me.]
   #["Good morning, Frank!" she said, in the sweetest voice I have ever heard. "Did you have a nice nap?"]
   #["Yep," I groaned, as I got myself sat up next to her. She had a sketchpad in her hands. It contained a half-finished drawing of what looked to me like a teenage boy. "What are you working on?"]
   #["Oh?" She looked down at her drawing. "This is my brother. His birthday is coming up, and I thought this might make a good present."]
@@ -185,7 +185,7 @@ First edition
 ]]
 
 #p[
-  #[I gritted my teeth, and let out a small yell. I tossed the phone to the other side of the room, hitting a lamp and knocking it over. I didn't care to check if either the lamp or the phone survived.]
+  #["God dammit!". I tossed the phone to the other side of the room, hitting a lamp and knocking it over. I didn't care to check if either the lamp or the phone survived. _Why must this be happening?_]
   #[I buried my face in my hands. _Why did I ever open my phone in the first place?_ The room was so dark already. My hands hid the last of the remaining light. And in the darkness, Teresa's face came to me once again.]
 ]
 
@@ -194,18 +194,15 @@ First edition
 
 #p[
   #[I was driving along the highway, with Teresa in the passenger seat. Right in front of me was a sign, "Welcome to New York".]
-  #["Yes, we really enjoyed our trip! Right, Frank?" Her eyes turned towards me.]
+  #[Teresa was on the phone with her mom. "Yes, we really enjoyed our trip! Right, Frank?" Her eyes turned towards me.]
   #["Yeah, of course. Lots of good history there."]
   #["Those last minute complications with the hotel were annoying, but Frank pulled through, like he always does."]
-  #[_Oh, right. That._ I finally turned to look towards her. Her family loves her so much. It's not hard to imagine why. She had that same bright smile I always loved. She always made sure to keep in touch with her family, and tell them about all of her great stories.]
-  #["Frank, look out!"]
-  #[_Oh shit!_ A car was pulled over in front of me. I slammed on my brakes to avoid hitting it. I swerved to the left, and still just barely missed them.]
-  // FIXME: the car doesn't stop here, but it starts again later
-  // FIXME: you forgot the cascade of car horns
-  #[Teresa did not look too happy. Her face was uncharacteristically neutral.]
-  #["Hey, let me put you on hold for a sec... Yeah, we're okay. We just need to take care of something real quick." She put down the phone. Then, she turned towards me.]
-  #["What was that?" she asked sternly. "Were you not paying attention?"]
-  #[I don't think I would've had the heart to look back at her. I responded, quietly, "No, I guess I wasn't."]
+  #[_Oh, right. That._ I finally turned to look towards her. She had that same bright smile I always loved. Her family loves her so much. It's not hard to imagine why. She always made sure to keep in touch with her family, and tell them about all of her great stories.]
+  // FIXME: this feels too sudden
+  #[Teresa looked at me, suddenly startled. "Frank, look out!"]
+  #[I looked ahead to see a car pulled over in front of me. _Oh shit!_ I swerved to the left, and still just barely missed them. I slammed on the brakes. A cascade of car horns and tire squeals ensued. I looked around behind me to see if anyone was hurt. I didn't see any crashed cars, but I did see a lot of angry drivers.]
+  #[Teresa didn't look too happy either. Her face was uncharacteristically neutral. "Hey, let me put you on hold for a sec... Yeah, we're okay. We just need to take care of something real quick." She put down the phone. Then, she turned towards me. "What was that?" she asked sternly. "Were you not paying attention?"]
+  #[My face was down, pressed up against the steering wheel. _What was I thinking?_ I don't think I would've had the heart to look back at her. I responded, quietly, "No, I guess I wasn't."]
   #["You can't be distracted like this! You go so fast! You could've killed somebody!"]
   #["Yeah, I know. Sorry."]
   #[Teresa and I were silent for a moment. I don't know what was going through her head. I, for one, just wanted her to stop yelling. "Just don't let it happen again."]
@@ -214,7 +211,7 @@ First edition
   #["So, we're good?" she asked.]
   #["Yeah, I guess." I let out a deep sigh. "Sorry about that."]
   #[We sat in silence for a moment, until Teresa couldn't help but let out a giggle. "Hey, that was kinda funny, wasn't it?"]
-  #[I really did not know know how to respond to that. "Yeah, I guess." That was about all I could muster.]
+  #[As much as loved seeing her smile, I really didn't know how to respond to that. "Yeah, I guess." That was about all I could muster.]
   #[She picked up her phone and rang up her mom again. I guess we took long enough that her mom must've hung up. Or maybe Teresa did. In any case, Teresa called her mom back. She still had a small smile on her face, but not quite the one that I was used to. "Yeah, we're okay. Don't worry about it. No, really, it's okay. Frank handled it. Say, did Jeff get his birthday present yet?"]
   #[Of course, Teresa would never have willingly told her mom about what happened. She was always so optimistic about the future, and she never dwelled on the past. I remember her being stern the rest of the day, but I never really knew what she was thinking.]
 ]
@@ -224,15 +221,15 @@ First edition
 
 #p[
   #[_Fuck!_ I turned off the phone, in the hope that I would stop remembering it. It must have been a nice trip, if it was worth writing about. But I don't remember it well now.]
-  #[I kept wondering what I should have done in that moment. I needed to make sure it didn't happen again. Was it my fault that it happened? Maybe I shouldn't have been going so fast. Maybe I shouldn't have let Teresa distract me. There were so many things that I could've done. Who knows how each scenario would play out?]
-  #[I told myself to take deep breaths and to calm down. I tried to do so. But the breaths kept getting quicker and heavier. I nearly brought myself to hyperventilation. I felt like I was going to throw up. I began a gag reflex, tilting my face towards the ground, and closing my eyes.]
+  #[I kept wondering what I should have done in that moment. I needed to make sure it didn't happen again. Was it my fault that it happened? Maybe I shouldn't have been going so fast. Maybe I shouldn't have let Teresa distract me. There were so many things that I could've done. God, what if I actually did hurt somebody and didn't see it? I didn't deserve to get away completely unscathed.]
+  #[I told myself to take deep breaths and to calm down. I tried to do so. But the breaths kept getting quicker and heavier. I nearly brought myself to hyperventilation. I felt like I was going to throw up. I began a gag reflex, tilting my face towards the ground. And as my mouth opened to cough up, my eyes shut closed.]
 ]
 
 #show: page-black
 #eyes("closed")
 
 #p[
-  #[Hurry up! I'm getting soaked!" Teresa jogged down the driveway, gesturing me to come towards the house. I started running to catch up with her. In her hands, she held a small package covered in gift wrapping paper. On top were the words, "From Frank, To Teresa".]
+  #[Hurry up! I'm getting soaked!" Teresa jogged in the rain, gesturing me to come towards the house. I started running to catch up with her. In her hands, she held a small package covered in gift wrapping paper. On top were the words, "From Frank, To Teresa".]
   #["Don't open it without me!" I shouted back.]
   #["Then hurry up!"]
   #[When we got inside, Teresa was sat on the couch. Her fingers were already gripping the edge of the wrapping paper. She left the door open behind her, leaving me to close it. "Be patient," I said. "Don't ruin your own wrapping paper."]
@@ -241,7 +238,7 @@ First edition
   #[She carefully peeled the tape off of the package, not wanting the paper to rip. When she finally got it removed, she saw a crochet hook inside. The grip was rounded in the back, and flat on the front. She picked it up and looked at it in awe. "It's surprisingly comfortable. I can't remember the last time I had a hook like it." She gave me a hug, and I hugged her back. "Thank you, honey."]
   #["You're very welcome."]
   #["Oh!" Teresa jumped out of our embrace. "I'm going to get that stocking I was working on and try it out." She started looking around the room for it. "Now, where did I leave it?"]
-  #[I didn't remember where it was either. I tried to remember for a moment, as Teresa searched the entire house for it.]
+  #[I didn't remember where it was either. I tried to remember for a moment, as Teresa searched the house for it.]
   #["Wait, no. Please no." Teresa headed out towards the porch. I saw her stand, gasping to her right. She walked sullenly back inside, with the soaked stocking in her hands. "It's ruined."]
   #["Oh. I'm sorry."]
   #["You better be! Why didn't you tell me it was outside?!"]
@@ -254,7 +251,7 @@ First edition
   #[Teresa stormed off, leaving me alone on the couch.]
   #[_What just happened? What should I have done?_]
   #[I bent my head towards the ground, recovering from the shock of it all. No doubt Teresa would come back later, happy as usual. Until then, I had only my own thoughts to comfort me.]
-  #[The only thing I could think, was _What did I do wrong?_]
+  #[_What did I do wrong?_]
 ]
 
 #show: page-white
@@ -265,7 +262,7 @@ First edition
   #[_Maybe Teresa was on to something. Maybe crochet would calm me down._ I had helped Teresa on many of her projects, and she taught me much of what she knew. I wasn't up to her level, but I could do something simple, like a square.]
   #[I walked towards one of the drawers we had in the kitchen. We never had lots of space for her supplies, so we kept it in a kitchen drawer. I took a deep sigh before gathering my materials. I pulled out her crochet hook, a pair of extra-sharp scissors, and a bobbin of hand-dyed yarn. I let out a deep sigh, before carrying all of them back to the couch I had just imagined sitting on. It just had one fewer user now.]
   #[I made a loop with my thumb and index finger, and pulled. _Ugh._ I tightened the loop with the hook, making a slipknot. I made the same repetitive motions over and over again. I was bored. My mind drifted. It felt like agony.]
-  #[In truth, I don't think I ever really cared about crochet. I only ever did it because I wanted to spend time with Teresa. I enjoyed it, but not because of the crochet. Here I was, bored and alone. And after some point, I decided I had enough. It did nothing but remind me of her. I put everything down, for all I could do was weep.]
+  #[In truth, I don't think I ever really cared about crochet. I only ever did it because I wanted to spend time with Teresa. I enjoyed it, but not because of the crochet. Here I was, bored and alone. And at some point, I decided I had enough. It did nothing but remind me of her. I put everything down, for all I could do was weep.]
 ]
 
 #p[
@@ -277,15 +274,13 @@ First edition
 
 #p[
   #[I held a letter in my hand, addressed to my darling Teresa. I kept debating whether or not I should even hand it to her. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe there was something else I could do. Maybe I was doing more harm than good. I held my hand over my face. Teresa was still getting lunch with her sister. I had time to reconsider what I was doing. I already had a suitcase packed, leaning against the wall next to the door. I had no idea how Teresa might react to what I wanted to say.]
-  #[I crumpled the letter in my hand and left it on the coffee table. I could just take a shower to think it over. I'd be out before she got home.]
+  #[I folded up the letter and left it on the coffee table. I could just take a shower to think it over. I'd be out before she got home.]
 ]
   #set page(fill: gradient.linear(black, cmyk(5%, 0%, 0%, 100%), dir: ttb))
 #p(indent: true)[ 
   #[I spent more time in that shower than I wanted to. I just couldn't stop thinking about what I planned to do. I lost track of time. And the warm drops of water felt so good. Even if I couldn't tell which ones came from the showerhead, and which ones came from my face. Teresa and I weren't good for each other. I still believe that to this very day. So many arguments and so much stress. I always said she would be the death of me. The letter on that coffee table might have saved me, or both of us, from each other. But at what cost?]
   #[Our shower drain was very clogged. I kept trying to fix it. The tub was half full at that point, and I knew it was time to get out. As for what I was going to do...]
   #[I think I would have hidden that letter. I'm sure our next conversation would've been traumatic after that. But I did think that being unprepared would be better. I don't know what I was thinking. I think I hardly even was. I just don't know.]
-]
-#p(indent: true)[
   #[I took one very long deep breath before leaving the bathroom.]
   #[And Teresa was there.]
 ]
@@ -299,8 +294,8 @@ First edition
 #p[
   #[Her voice wasn't the same either. It was loud. It was broken. There was no hope in it. It said things I wish I never heard.]
   #["Do you not love me anymore?"]
-  #["I cannot believe you would give up this easily. I can't believe you wrote this!"]
   #["You're a coward!"]
+  #["I cannot believe you would give up this easily. I can't believe you wrote this!"]
 ]
 #p[
   #[I wanted to explain. I wanted to tell her how I really felt. But I couldn't think straight. I couldn't get the words out. I couldn't save either of us.]
@@ -369,7 +364,7 @@ First edition
 #pad(top: .15in, box(fill: cmyk(100%, 100%, 100%, 100%), width: 100%, pad(top: 0.15in, rest: 0.3in)[
   #set text(fill: white)
   #p[
-    #[Her eyes held so much hatred. Teresa looked at me. "You really hate me, huh? Maybe I should just kill myself. Then we'll see how you feel."]
+    #[Her eyes held so much hatred. Teresa looked at me. "You really hate me, huh? Maybe I _should_ just kill myself. Then we'll see how you feel."]
   ]
 ]))
 
@@ -387,9 +382,9 @@ First edition
 
 #p[
   #[Everything was dark. All I could see was Teresa.]
-  #[That was a mistake.]
+  #[God, that was a mistake.]
   #[I had just realized I was hyperventilating. My breathing started to slow down.]
-  #["Teresa, come back to me. I don't know what I did wrong, but if I could go back, I'd find a way to fix everything. I don't know what I need to do. But I would do it if only I could learn! I could save you!"]
+  #["Teresa, come back to me. I don't know what I did wrong, but if I could go back, I'd find a way to fix everything. I don't know what I need to do. But I would do it, if only I could learn! I could save you!"]
   #[No response came to me. Not from Teresa, nor my visions, nor the neighbors, who probably heard me scream.]
 ]
 
@@ -410,13 +405,13 @@ First edition
   #[I was in the living room, slowly, but surely, unpacking my things. Teresa had just told me how she felt, and I was inclined to believe her. I felt like such an idiot. So much effort was wasted. And what came of it? How was I supposed to face her now?]
   #[I heard the bedroom door creak open. I sighed, dreading what I was about to see. But I didn't sense any anger from her. I heard her whimper from beyond the door. I turned to see her just barely peeking through. Teresa got startled. She hid her face behind the door, and then slowly emerged from it.]
   #[She wiped a tear from her eye. "You're not?" She opened the door, and walked through, still keeping her distance from me. I just shook my head.]
-  #["Thank you." She slowly walked towards the porch. I guessed that she just wanted some fresh air. "I-" She didn't finish her sentence. She paused and started to open the door.]
+  #["Thank you." She slowly walked towards the porch. I guessed that she just wanted some fresh air. "I-" She didn't finish her sentence. Instead, she paused before starting to open the door.]
   #[I decided to finish her sentence for her. "I love you."]
   #[She looked down and started crying. "I love you too." She walked out the door.]
 ]
 
 #p[
-  #[Teresa walked to the driveway and got in the car. She was hoping that a car drive would calm her down. She took a beat before starting the engine. She must've wondered if it was the best idea to be driving in her state. But for one reason or another, she decided to take off.]
+  #[Teresa walked to the driveway and got in the car. She was hoping that a drive would calm her down. She took a beat before starting the engine. She must've wondered if it was the best idea to be driving in her state. But for one reason or another, she decided to take off.]
   // FIXME: Maybe she should try at least considering this sooner. Her arc is
   //        kinda rushed right now.
   #[She drove for hours as it got darker and darker. She wondered what happened between us to make me so miserable. She struggled to remember all the arguments we had. Of course she didn't remember. She never thinks about the past. When the sky was fully black, she started to weep. _I'm sorry I made you want to leave,_ she thought.]