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1 files changed, 12 insertions, 13 deletions
@@ -138,7 +138,7 @@ First edition #p[ #[I had been awake for nearly 23 hours now, and yet I was still dreaming.] #[Oh Teresa, how I miss you. As hard as I'ved tried, I could not get you out of my head. I wanted you to come back. But I needed you to go away.] - #[Every time I closed my eyes I saw you. I would blink, and in the darkness, it was your face I saw.] + #[Every time I closed my eyes I saw you. I would blink and in the darkness, it was your face I saw.] #[I always wondered what should I have done? Is there something I could've done to keep you here? Oh, if only I could go back, I'd think of something to keep you beside me. To think I let you go so easily. I wouldn't let it happen again, I swear!] #[I wished I could just stop thinking of you. I thought it might be better if I had never known you. All those memories feel so tainted now. For a time, I did not want them. I went through so much trouble for you, and I could go through so much more, but I've never felt anything like what I felt after you passed.] #[This night went on for a very long time and it showed no sign of stopping. I couldn't sleep, for if I did, I'd dream of you. I did everything I could do to stay awake. I tried taping my eyes open, but the tape always comes off. My hands held them from closing. My eyes strained to stay open. If I so much as blinked, I'd regret it dearly.] @@ -264,10 +264,9 @@ _Crap, I'm driving._ #p[ #[I made a loud, deep cough, but nothing came out. My breathing slowed down. I didn't vomit. I regained my composure, standing back up straight. I let out a heavy sigh.] #[_You know, maybe Teresa was on to something. Maybe that will calm me down._ I had helped Teresa on many of her projects, and she taught me much of what she knew. I wasn't up to her level, but I could do something simple, like a square.] - #[I walked towards one of the drawers we had in the kitchen. We never had lots of space for her supplies, so we kept it in a kitchen drawer. I pulled out her crochet hook, a pair of extra-sharp scissors, and a bobbin of hand-dyed yarn. I carried all of them back to the couch I had just imagined sitting on, but with one fewer user.] - #[I made a loop with my thumb and index finger, and pulled. I tightened the loop with the hook, making a slipknot.] - // FIXME: This realization needs to be foreshadowed, or at least eased into. - #[I think I made a realization at that moment. In truth, I don't think I ever really cared about crochet. I only ever did it because I wanted to spend time with Teresa. I enjoyed it, but not because of the crochet. And here I was, bored and alone. And after some point, I decided I had enough. It did nothing but remind me of her. I put everything down, for all I could do was weep.] + #[I walked towards one of the drawers we had in the kitchen. We never had lots of space for her supplies, so we kept it in a kitchen drawer. I took a deep sigh before gathering my materials. I pulled out her crochet hook, a pair of extra-sharp scissors, and a bobbin of hand-dyed yarn. I carried all of them back to the couch I had just imagined sitting on, but with one fewer user.] + #[I made a loop with my thumb and index finger, and pulled. I tightened the loop with the hook, making a slipknot. I made the same repetitive motions over and over again. I was bored. My mind drifted. It felt like agony.] + #[In truth, I don't think I ever really cared about crochet. I only ever did it because I wanted to spend time with Teresa. I enjoyed it, but not because of the crochet. And here I was, bored and alone. And after some point, I decided I had enough. It did nothing but remind me of her. I put everything down, for all I could do was weep.] ] #p[ @@ -279,7 +278,7 @@ _Crap, I'm driving._ #p[ #[I held a letter in my hand, addressed to my darling Teresa. I kept debating whether or not I should even hand it to her. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe there was something else I could do. Maybe I was doing more harm than good. I held my hand over my face. Teresa was still getting lunch with her sister. I had time to reconsider what I was doing. I already had a suitcase packed, leaning against the wall next to the door. I had no idea how Teresa might react to what I wanted to say.] - #[I crumpled the letter in my hand and left it on the coffee table. I would just take a shower to think it over. I'd be out before she got home.] + #[I crumpled the letter in my hand and left it on the coffee table. I could just take a shower to think it over. I'd be out before she got home.] ] #set page(fill: gradient.linear(black, cmyk(5%, 0%, 0%, 100%), dir: ttb)) #p(indent: true)[ @@ -349,7 +348,7 @@ _Crap, I'm driving._ ]) #p[ - #[I didn't really want to leave her! I could never say what I wanted to say to her face. It's like she said. I tried to leave because I was a coward!] + #[I didn't really want to leave her! I could never say what I wanted to say to her face. She was right about one thing. I tried to leave because I was a coward! She was right about so many things.] #[They won't leave me. All I wanted was for the visions to leave me alone.] ] @@ -363,7 +362,7 @@ _Crap, I'm driving._ #p[ - #[That last one was actually nice. Teresa. That smile. Those eyes. Your joy. I just wanted to feel that again. I tried to. I closed my eyes again, hoping that I would see her happy.] + #[Dammit, that last one was actually nice. Why can't all my memories be like that? Teresa. That smile. Those eyes. Your joy. I just wanted to feel that again. I tried to. I closed my eyes again, hoping that I would see her happy.] ] #set page(fill: gradient.linear(cmyk(0%, 4%, 4%, 0%), cmyk(0%, 8%, 8%, 0%), dir: ttb)) @@ -379,8 +378,8 @@ _Crap, I'm driving._ ] #p[ - #[I wasn't thinking straight. All I wanted was for the visions to stop. But my eyes couldn't stop showing them to me. In the absence of light, all I could see was her. The scissors I needed were still on the armrest. It was stupid, but I could only think of one thing to do. Hell, I didn't even think. It was instinct.] - #[I picked them up, and thrust them into both my eyes.] + #[I wasn't thinking straight. All I wanted was for the visions to stop. But my eyes couldn't stop showing them to me. In the absence of the light, all I could see was her. The scissors I needed were still on the armrest. It was stupid. So stupid, but I could only think of one thing to do. Hell, I didn't even think. It was instinct.] + #[I picked the scissors up, and thrust them into both my eyes.] ] #show: page-black @@ -409,8 +408,8 @@ _Crap, I'm driving._ #p[ #[I was in the living room, slowly, but surely, unpacking my things. Teresa had just told me how she felt, and I was inclined to believe her. I felt like such an idiot. So much effort was wasted. And what came of it? How was I supposed to face her now?] - #[I heard the bedroom door creak open. I sighed, dreading what I was about to see. But I didn't sense any anger from her. I only heard her whimper from beyond the door. I turned to see her just barely peeking through. Teresa got startled. She hid her face behind the door, and then slowly emerged from it.] - #[She wiped a tear from her eye. "You're not?" She walked out of the bedroom, still keeping her distance from me. I just shook my head.] + #[I heard the bedroom door creak open. I sighed, dreading what I was about to see. But I didn't sense any anger from her. I heard her whimper from beyond the door. I turned to see her just barely peeking through. Teresa got startled. She hid her face behind the door, and then slowly emerged from it.] + #[She wiped a tear from her eye. "You're not?" She opened the door, and walked through, still keeping her distance from me. I just shook my head.] #["Thank you." She slowly walked towards the porch. I guessed that she just wanted some fresh air. "I-" She didn't finish her sentence. She paused and started to open the door.] #[I decided to finish her sentence for her. "I love you."] #[She looked down and started crying. "I love you too." She walked out the door.] @@ -420,7 +419,7 @@ _Crap, I'm driving._ #[Teresa walked to the driveway and got in the car. She was hoping that a car drive would calm her down. She took a beat before starting the engine. She must've wondered if it was the best idea to be driving in her state. But for one reason or another, she decided to take off.] // FIXME: Maybe she should try at least considering this sooner. Her arc is // kinda rushed right now. - #[She drove for hours as it got darker and darker. She wondered what happened between us to make me so miserable. She struggled to remember all the arguments we had. Of course she didn't remember. She never thinks about the past. And when the sky was fully black, she started to weep. _I'm sorry I made you want to leave,_ she thought.] + #[She drove for hours as it got darker and darker. She wondered what happened between us to make me so miserable. She struggled to remember all the arguments we had. Of course she didn't remember. She never thinks about the past. When the sky was fully black, she started to weep. _I'm sorry I made you want to leave,_ she thought.] ] #p[ |